


colourless (grey)

by chaerywon



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Death, HyungHyuk - Freeform, M/M, Sad, Sick Character, Soulmates, a little fluff, mostly sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-10-17 08:01:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17556449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaerywon/pseuds/chaerywon
Summary: “your happiness is mine and if i die knowing you’re happy, i’ll rest well.”hyungwon’s heart hurt, so much. he didn’t want to let go of the other, he didn’t want anyone else other than minhyuk. because minhyuk made him happy.soulmate au where you're colour blind until you meet your soulmate.





	colourless (grey)

**Author's Note:**

> hey! this fanfic took me quite a long time to write so please enjoy! it's pretty sad so i did cry a little ;') anywaySS lets get it

“hey, won.” 

hyungwon hums in reply, eyes focused on the book in front of him.

“you love me right?” minhyuk asks, who had been sitting beside him staring subconsciously into oblivion for the past 15 minutes. hyungwon hadn’t asked what was on his mind after the countless numbers of times he’s done it. 

“of course i do.” hyungwon replies still not sparing a glance at the other.

“can you promise me something?” the other asks, voice suddenly softer than his normal cheery, bright one. 

“what is it?” hyungwon finally sets his book and glasses on their bedside table. 

minhyuk turns and smiles slightly at him. 

“promise me that when i leave this world, you’ll find someone else to make you happy.” 

hyungwon freezes in his spot, feeling his throat getting dry. he hated this. he hated talking about this dismal topic. he wasn’t ready for this question getting thrown at him so out of the blue like that. minhyuk’s health had always been a slight harsh topic hyungwon dodged whenever asked about. he knew his lover was going through pain, pain that he couldn’t cure. 

he turns around, eyes on their bedsheets to ignore the gaze of the other’s. “what are you talking about?” 

minhyuk chuckles, taking hyungwon’s hand in his. “you know what i’m talking about, won.” fingers kneading the skin on his knuckles. 

hyungwon doesn’t say anything. he didn’t want to. he knew he’d accidentally start crying if he even said something small. 

“won, promise me.” minhyuk says, his smile slowly fading away. hyungwon’s lips quiver. 

“i can’t, min. i don’t think i can.” he replies, still not looking at minhyuk. even the sight of the blonde boy right now would make hyungwon break. 

minhyuk sighs, pulling lightly at his fingers. “look at me, won.” 

he doesn’t respond, tears threatening to fall down. minhyuk grips his hand tighter. “please.”

hyungwon turns to look at minhyuk, a tear rolling down his flushed cheeks. minhyuk smiles, glad his lover obliged. “don’t cry.” he moves closer to the younger and brings his hand up to his face to wipe off the drop of tear. 

hyungwon didn’t understand. he couldn’t understand why the world would curse him with such bad karma. why would it make minhyuk, the most beautiful, the most bright person existing, sick. he knew without the other in his world, it’ll turn dark; literally dark. he wouldn’t have light anymore, colours would turn dull like how his life was before he met the boy before him. 

the younger still stays quiet, a whimper escaping his lips as he feels more tears stream down just by the thought of knowing that one day, possibly, minhyuk wouldn’t be there for him anymore. he wouldn’t be there to tease him when he does cheesy things, he wouldn’t be there to cradle him when he had blue days. he wouldn’t be there to love him. 

“hyungwon, i’m still here. i’m not leaving you anytime soon so stop crying, okay?” minhyuk says, caressing his face. 

hyungwon coughs out a cry, “but you might.”

minhyuk smiles sadly at the other, “there’s isn’t much i can do, can i? but still have hope, won. don’t give up so quick. the world just so happened to curse me with this and we just have to let it happen.” 

hyungwon’s breaks down, not being able to look at the other anymore. minhyuk coos him, pulling him closer to his chest. no words were said, minhyuk staying quiet so the other had time to cry it out. minhyuk knew this was a sensitive subject for hyungwon. the younger would work day and night to be able to pay for his medical bills and minhyuk felt guilty, staying home because he was a little too weak for even a simple job. 

running fingers through the younger’s hair, he hums a sweet tune as he tries to calm his lover down. it worked, hyungwon’s body stopped shaking and his breathing now steadier. minhyuk waits a couple more seconds before breaking the silence. 

“you should be happy, won. i’m so sorry you’re going through all this pain because of me. that’s why i need you to promise me that you’ll find someone else that i know will put a smile on your face. you have to try.” minhyuk says, feeling his vision get blurry from the tears forming. “your happiness is mine and if i die knowing you’re happy, i’ll rest well.”

hyungwon’s heart hurt, so much. he didn’t want to let go of the other, he didn’t want anyone else other than minhyuk. because minhyuk made him happy, he brought out the best in him. he knew him better than his own parents did. even though minhyuk can be a pain in the ass at times or how he can be so annoying, it never bothered hyungwon as much because he loved it. he loved minhyuk because he was his soulmate. 

“i’ll try.” hyungwon mumbles, voice slightly cracking. minhyuk smiles against hyungwon’s head, “thank you, won.”

 

-

 

“won! let’s go roller skating!” minhyuk exclaims, latching himself on top of the sleepy other. 

groaning, hyungwon shifts away, pulling the covers closer to his chin. “go roller skating by yourself.”

minhyuk frowns, lying beside hyungwon and he suddenly thinks of a sneaky idea. he gets closer to the other, slowly leaving soft kisses on his face. he starts from his forehead, his eyes and then moving down to his nose. kissing his cheek, he pecks the younger’s lips. “please, wonnn! come on.. it’ll be fun.” 

hyungwon scrunches his nose, huffing. “you’re so annoying. my whole face is wet now because of you.” he turns so his back is facing the older now. “plus i have work later.”

minhyuk giggles, moving his hand so he can trace circles on the other’s back. “you can skip it.” 

they stay still for awhile, hyungwon finding minhyuk’s fingertips on his aching back comforting. hyungwon groans out loud, getting up as his eyes squint slightly from the light coming from their windows. he was a little annoyed that minhyuk forgot to close the curtains the night before but he doesn’t show it. 

“let’s get ready.” 

minhyuk shrieks, getting up and kissing hyungwon’s lips before stepping out of bed. hyungwon chuckles and shakes his head watching the other skip happily towards their bathroom. 

 

-

 

 

“minhyuk, i’m going to actually fall and break my neck.” hyungwon says, his voice hinting terror. he grips minhyuk’s shirt tighter and lets the other lead the way. 

“hyungwon. if you don’t let go, you’ll miss all the actual roller skating.” minhyuk says.

“that’s the point. you can skate for me. i’ll just hold onto you.” hyungwon says, feeling his legs going sideways. shrieking loudly, he practically jumps on minhyuk’s back. 

minhyuk laughs, turning around and facing the scared other. he slowly removes his hands from his shoulder and threading their fingers together. 

“don’t panic, okay? i’m here.” he says, looking into hyungwon’s eyes and sees a little shimmer in them as if he was slowly trusting him. “just hold my hands, you’ll be okay.”

hyungwon nods and follows the instructions minhyuk gives, following his movements. soon, hyungwon was able to skate a little better but still wanting to hold minhyuk’s hand. 

“even the five year old’s here are better than you.” minhyuk jokes, skating slowly in case the younger might fall down. 

snorting, hyungwon rolls his eyes at minhyuk. “whatever.” minhyuk chuckles, looking away and eyeing the different people roller skating with them. he has a small smile on his face as he admires the families or couples there. 

hyungwon doesn’t even realise he’s staring at the older, eyes twinkling from the beauty the other held. he was so beautiful, so precious and fragile. hyungwon wished he could protect him from everything but sadly he didn’t have such great power for that. 

“i’ll miss this.” minhyuk blurts out, his eyes turning darker and his smile leaving his face. 

“don’t say that.” hyungwon replies, squeezing his hand and he holds it tighter. except this time he didn’t do it because he was scared to fall but because he was scared the other would leave. it felt as if he was holding onto minhyuk’s fading soul. 

minhyuk exhales, looking at hyungwon and forces out a small smile. he grips his hand tighter in response. “you’re really pretty, hyungwon.” he stops skating, hyungwon following. “i’ll miss that too.”

the younger shakes his head, “stop saying that.” he takes the other dangling hand on minhyuk’s side. “you’re not leaving me.” 

he wished he could stop minhyuk from saying things like that or to stop time so they’d have it all to themselves. he wished he could be alone with minhyuk in a world where they can spend the rest of their lives together, no pain, nothing. 

minhyuk grins, “i love you, hyungwon-ah.” 

hyungwon didn’t know how but they end up tumbling over. turned out there was a little boy coming their way, crashing into both of them. the boy seemed to bounce back fast, saying a small sorry before skating away. minhyuk and hyungwon remain on the floor with hyungwon on top of the older. he looks down into minhyuk’s now sparkling eyes again. 

the older laughs loudly, finding the current situation funny. hyungwon follows, laughing with him and soon they’re dying from the lack of air. the two felt happy, suddenly forgetting the seriousness from earlier. they felt content, hyungwon smiling brighter when he hears the ringing laughter of the other’s in his ears. 

once the two had came down from their fits of laughs, hyungwon stares into minhyuk’s eyes. “i love you too.” 

 

-

 

“hey won.” minhyuk says. they were in their kitchen, hyungwon doing the dishes as minhyuk watched from their counter. 

“yes?” hyungwon asks, soaping the bowls and rinsing them out with water. 

“let’s dance.” minhyuk says, getting up and walking towards the taller. his hands snake its way around hyungwon’s waist. 

“can’t you see i’m busy?” hyungwon says, minhyuk resting his chin on his shoulder. 

“hmm.. dishes can be done later.” minhyuk says cheekily. “the mood’s great right now, so is the lighting. that means we need to dance.” 

hyungwon laughs, turning off the tap and looking over his shoulder. he turns around and wipes his hands on his pants before wrapping them around minhyuk’s torso. 

“you wanna dance? like hip hop? i don’t get how the mood right now reminds you of hip hop.” hyungwon sarcastically says, smirking at the other. 

minhyuk moves his hands so they’re now around hyungwon’s neck. “not hip hop, silly. i meant slow, romantic dancing.” 

hyungwon arches an eyebrow at him. he had gotten used to the random things minhyuk threw his way. it could vary from them going out on a walk at 5 am on a monday morning or them chasing each other to the convenience store, loser paying for their items. and somehow, hyungwon always found himself following him even after lecturing about the danger they will come across. 

“romantic dancing? why?” he asks and minhyuk shrugs his shoulders.

“i don’t know. just kinda feel like it.” he lets go before taking hyungwon’s hand and dragging towards their small living room. 

minhyuk takes both of hyungwon’s hands, wrapping them around his torso once again and he wraps his around his neck. “come on, don’t tell me you can’t dance.” 

hyungwon scoffs, “minhyuk, there isn’t even any music.”

“we don’t need any.” 

minhyuk leans his forehead against hyungwon’s, the tips of their noses brushing against each other. hyungwon begins swaying his body side to side and minhyuk follows, the big grin on his face never leaving. there wasn't much space to dance freely in their cramped up apartment but they made it work. minhyuk always made it work. 

the younger was astonished onto how the other always had that smile on his face even if he knew deep down, his body was hurting. he admired the strength the other had but he knew he was only showing his bright side so hyungwon wouldn’t feel sad. 

minhyuk closes his eyes, melting slowly into the other’s hold. “i like this.”

hyungwon pauses for a second, “me too.” 

minhyuk opens his eyes again before leaning in and allowing their lips to come in contact. he smiles, cherishing the sweet lingering taste of hyungwon’s lips that he knew he’d never get bored of. he holds on a little longer, wanting their kiss to drag on because who knows, this could be their last one. 

pulling away, the corner of minhyuk’s lips lift up. he lays his head on hyungwon’s shoulder and the younger kisses the crown of his head. “thank you, won.” minhyuk says.

“for what?” 

“for loving me.”

“you don’t have to thank me.”

“but i want to.”

silence fills the air, hyungwon letting the sad yet soothing atmosphere engulf him. he opens his mouth slightly, “thank you for loving me too.”

 

-

 

the people in his office were beginning to leave and hyungwon envied them, wishing he could go home too so he could be in the arms of the other. he missed him so much and he only wanted nothing but to cuddle minhyuk. but to his dismay, he had to stay longer that night with loads of files on his desk. rubbing his sore eyes, he closes them for a second, face in his hands.

the tiredness was getting to him. 22 hours without sleep does that to someone and hyungwon was drained; mentally and physically. but he still pushed through, knowing this could help minhyuk. all of this work, it was for minhyuk. finally removing his hands, he puts his glasses back on.

_grey._

hyungwon rubs his eyes again, his eyebrows knitting. was his table always grey or was it yellow? he couldn’t remember. thinking he was just too tired to function, he grabs his pen to begin signing.  
_his hands, they were grey._

snickering slightly, he cursed under his breath. “i must be really tired.” 

it had to be the only explanation. his eyes move around the room. something was off. he notices the painting minhyuk painted for him was grey. and the flowers minhyuk picked out at the garden lost its colour. he blinks twice, no luck. 

getting up, he walks towards the wall with the framed picture. he runs his fingers lightly on them, tracing the outlines of the waves on the beach. minhyuk had painted it for hyungwon before he got sick. apparently it meant peace; the sound of waves splashing against the sandy beach was a sound minhyuk loved. 

_they used to be blue._

how can he be seeing things? was he really THAT tired? because the last time he saw anything this grey was before he met minhyuk. unless.

_minhyuk._

panicking, his eyes widen, running towards his phone when he notices the two miss calls he received from kihyun; the guy working at the coffee shop minhyuk goes to daily, exactly 10 minutes ago. 

ringing the number quickly, kihyun picks up.

“hyungwon.”

“where’s minhyuk.”

 

-

 

the ticking clock was the only thing hyungwon could hear as he sped on the road. his breath hitches when the traffic lights turn red. hitting the steering wheel, he feels his stomach turn. _please._

he prays. for the first time in his life, he prays. hyungwon was never greedy, always accepting whatever came his way. he never wished for anything. but today, tonight, he prays. he prays to whoever or whichever god there is above the clouds to let minhyuk live. to let him see another day, so that he can spend more years with the older. 

right as the traffic light turns green, his feet hit the acceleration as he speeds fast. the drive seemed long, every second passing by slower to hyungwon’s dismay. he needs to save time. he needs more time. 

he passes by the apartment he shares with minhyuk, staring at the window that led to their balcony. the lights were on.

it seemed like forever before hyungwon finally reaches the hospital. running inside, he tells the nurse his name and who he’s meeting. the nurse, thankfully, seems to notice the shaking in hyungwon’s voice so she speeds up.

hyungwon says a short thank you before running towards the number he was given. elevators were full, he curses, choosing to use the stairs instead. _please. min._

eternity passes by, he’s finally on the right floor. his breathing was unsteady but he manages to get into the room. barging through the doors, he sees no one but the small body on the bed, the colour in his face fading. or it could be hyungwon turning color blind again, he didn’t know. 

he walks staggerly towards the lifeless looking body, minhyuk. hyungwon chokes back a sob. 

“min.” 

eyes flutter open.

“min?” 

the other adjusts his eyes with the lighting, a strong pang through his skull. “wonnie?”

hyungwon smiles thankfully, grabbing minhyuk’s hands. “minhyuk.. what happened? please tell me you’re okay.”

minhyuk stays quiet, eyes slowly meeting the taller’s. he gives him a small smile. “it’s finally time, won.” 

hyungwon is confused. “what are you talking about?” 

“i’m dying.”

the younger stays silent, words were too hard to come out. 

minhyuk chuckles sadly, his fingers try to lace with hyungwon’s but it was too tough. he was strengthless. “i’m sorry, won.”

hyungwon feels a tear roll down. “you’re not leaving me, minhyuk. stay longer, you can fight it. i promise. please try, min.”

minhyuk smiles, he wanted to give some sort of hope for the latter. maybe if he smiled more, hyungwon would be happier.

“i have, won. i’ve done my best but i’m tired. i just want to sleep.” 

the younger feels his cheeks get wetter. “no.. min.”

minhyuk smiles more but hyungwon could see right through him. he could see the pain and it hurt him the most. he wanted to let minhyuk go so he’d stop hurting but part of him was selfish for holding on, refusing the world to take him away. 

“don’t forget your promise, alright?” he hears the door open, a doctor coming in to say the surgery room is prepared. 

hyungwon holds his hand tighter, protested when the doctor tried pulling his bed away. “stop, don’t take him away!”

minhyuk’s smile is getting smaller, the numbing medicine finally kicking in. “i love you, hyungwon.” 

the doctor’s manage to get hold of the bed, nurses stopping hyungwon from going anywhere. 

_please, let him live._

 

 

-

 

looking through the glass, he watches the doctors cut minhyuk open. the sight was hard to watch but if it meant hyungwon got to see him even with a wall separating them, he’d do it. 

“you can fight it, minhyuk. please.” hyungwon mutters out. the tears streaming down his face stopped. maybe he cried too much. 

eyes never leaving his unconscious boyfriend, he feels like he’s about to throw up. 

“please.” he felt like the line in movies where ‘your life flashes before your eyes’ was true. he could picture times he spent having the other in his arms as minhyuk mumbles incoherent words to a song or times when he came home after a long day of work to minhyuk cooking yet another failed meal. 

was he selfish for wanting his lover to see another day? maybe. but hyungwon was scared, he didn’t want to lose him. _the colours are going away._

he starts to see things turn grey again, the colour of the doctors gowns turning darker or the once blonde hair on minhyuk’s scalp turning black. 

“come on, min.”

he hears nothing, silence that can be pleasing to some and it used to be like that for hyungwon. he used to love the quiet but minhyuk changed that. and now, he desperately needed sound, he needed minhyuk’s voice. 

will minhyuk’s unconscious body be the last thing he sees before he goes? 

the ringing in his ear gets worse, fear creeping up deeper in him. _i can’t hear anything._

but he doesn’t miss the words leaving the doctors mouth from the speaker, “lee minhyuk pronounced dead, 1.23 am.” 

_grey._

 

-

 

 

a month later and hyungwon’s still mourning over his lost lover. days and nights seemed longer to him while lying in bed. he was numb. he couldn’t feel anything, even the tears rolling down his cheek. his eyesight was fully grey by now, all colours leaving with minhyuk. 

his funeral was two days ago, hyungwon surprisingly being able to get up from bed. but not like it was easy having to see his now dead boyfriend in a casket when he wanted him alive on his bed. 

but what could he do? he isn’t a doctor, he isn’t a god. 

hyungwon never regretted meeting minhyuk. how can he? minhyuk was a walking sun. minhyuk was his soulmate. but one thing hyungwon knew for sure was that he regretted not letting minhyuk know he loved him too before he died. 

 

-

 

a year later and hyungwon is still hurting but he’s better. he’s started working again, thinking it’s time to get money if he wanted to continue living. or does he?

suicide was an option to hyungwon. he had tried countless times but failed, giving up because he was scared. he knew if he tried to kill himself, minhyuk would be upset. and hyungwon didn't want to upset him. hyungwon knew minhyuk wanted him to live longer even if he, himself couldn't anymore. 

people treated hyungwon weirdly. especially after the death of minhyuk. word spread like wildfire, his whole company finding out in 24 hours. but he couldn’t care less. he didn’t even know the meaning of living anymore especially if minhyuk wasn’t there for him.

his house still had the different portraits minhyuk had hung. everything minhyuk placed with his own hands were never moved nor was it touched because hyungwon still wanted a piece of him there. 

after work, hyungwon found himself walking to a pharmacy. hyungwon was now a walking zombie, he had no remembrance of even wanting to be there but his feet brought him there anyway. 

queing up to ask the person behind the counter for whatever pills he could get, and he wanted a lot of them. 

“what do you want them for?” the orange haired boy asks, eyebrow arching.

“it’s my business.” hyungwon replies, eyes never meeting the other’s.

“okay, but by the way you look, you seem to be a drug addict or something so, no. i’m sorry i really can’t give you anything. it’s against policies.” 

hyungwon rolls his eyes, “i’m not a drug addict. i just.. i..” he doesn’t finish his sentence. was he really considering suicide? he wasn’t even sure. 

the boy stays quiet, noticing the uneasy look on hyungwon’s face. 

“hey, meet me after work alright? you really seem out of it.” the boy says and for some weird reason, he obliges. because stranger or not, he desperately needed someone else there for him. 

he learnt that the boy’s name is jooheon.

 

-

 

 

5 years later and hyungwon is still missing minhyuk, everyday and everynight. but he had found someone else, he kept his promise. 

“i’ll see you after work.” jooheon says, pecking hyungwon’s lips before leaving his office. he smiles. 

getting up from his chair, he walks over to the painting. the same one he looked at when he realised minhyuk was dying. 

running his fingers on the same spot he did the last time, he smiles. sure minhyuk might not be with him in real life anymore but even the smallest things he left behind, hyungwon treasured. 

to his luck, jooheon was open to it. he was heartbroken when he learnt about what hyungwon had been going through, saying it was okay if hyungwon still wanted his pictures with him or if he wants the paintings to remain in their home. 

if it wasn’t for jooheon, hyungwon might’ve done something stupid that night. somehow he found himself falling for the latter and colour began showing up again. 

“i miss you.” hyungwon says, staring at the small chip on the painting. he mentally put a reminder to get it fixed. 

walking back to his desk, he picks up the picture of both him and minhyuk. the same day they went roller skating. seemed just like yesterday to hyungwon. caressing minhyuk’s face, he smiles again.

“i love you. i forever will.” he mutters out. it felt like minhyuk was with him, watching over him and hyungwon felt comfortable; feeling happy again. 

“i kept my promise.” hyungwon feels tears brimming. “i found someone else to make me happy. you’ll always be the one to make me the happiest but i’ll try harder for you.” 

sure, he wasn’t able to tell minhyuk he loved him back the night he died but he knows minhyuk knows that he loves him. hyungwon loved and still loves minhyuk, he doesn’t know if he can ever stop loving him. 

but maybe hyungwon can live a life with colour again, if it meant it made minhyuk happy. because minhyuk’s happiness is his.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you guys enjoyed! it was a real rollercoaster for me haha. kuddos and comments are much appreciated! <3


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